We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

Take Everything

by The PDX Broadsides

/
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $10 USD  or more

     

1.
When you are plundering, I like to watch you You need a light, I'd find a torch Cuz I love the way you burn a city And you take everything you can If you have scurvy, here take my lemon And if it’s real bad; I'll give you seven Cuz I love how all your teeth are still there And you take everything you can You steal a galleon, I’ll count your treasure Capture maidens, I’ll give them pleasure Cuz I love your matchless taste in wenches And you take everything you can I'd buy you peg legs when you start losing arms and legs Share my booty, there’s no need to beg Cuz I love you more than extra rum at share out And you take everything you can You take everything you can You take everything you can
2.
Chorus: If I die young And become a zombie Shoot me in the head Don’t forget to doubletap Lay me in a bonfire at dawn Send me away before I get my nom on Lord, grant me a flintlock With a pan full of powder I’ve got a knife and sword but a gun is still louder Life ain’t always what you think it ought to be Will I see tomorrow? Well that’s just a maybe... End my short life with a sharp knife Well, I guess it’s about time Chorus End my short life with a sharp knife Well, I guess it’s about time I’ll be fully armed when I leave here in the morning All the lead I can carry, the undead best take warning ‘Cause my hand will not shake, I’ll take them all apart I do not kill with my gun, I kill with my heart There was a boy, said he’d love me forever Who would’ve thought his head could be severed by A short dice with a sharp knife? Well, I guess it’s about time If it comes down to this, boys, and my time has come And all I ever did is done Then don’t wipe away the clots, oh no, wear ‘em like a badge of honor Because if I’m bit then I’m already a goner and Think about why we were livin’ so hasty Funny, when you’re dead, how people are so...tasty. (Om nom, nom nom) Chorus When I’m dead and gone Remember me with fondness Gather up your courage and brave the world tomorrow Can’t kill a zombie with your heart full of sorrow, no End my short life with a sharp knife Well, I guess it’s about time So put on your best, boys, ‘cause it’s just our time...
3.
Sometimes I think my life is crap Wanna curl up in someone’s lap I don’t want to be a paradox When I could sleep all day and poop in a box CHORUS: Am I alive or am I dead? Is this the reason I've been bred? Either way, it can be said I'm still here Forever alive and always dead If you don’t look it’s on your head A quantum paradox of dread And yet, I’m still here If I were Bucky Fuller’s cat I’d sleep in a dome and I’d be cool with that Nicola Tesla would scratch my ears And not run me through with amperes CHORUS Spooky Action at a distance Does not excuse this poor existence Isaac Newton was totally wack But he would still have probably had my back CHORUS I'm more than just an adage, more than just a riddle My life is all a box and this kitty's in the middle I'm more than just an adage, more than just a riddle My life is all a box and this kitty's in the middle Nobel would let me see the light and I would say that he is dynamite You say that it’s an exercise To constantly question my demise CHORUS And now that I've been locked inside I’ve no friend but this cyanide As I watch atomic decay I would rather you had me spayed CHORUS I'm still here I'm still here I'm still here ...or am I?
4.
I’ve got something to say. It’s not easy for me. But we’ve come to a fork in the road, you and me. If I tell you my thoughts, I’m afraid you will flee I’m afraid you will see just how strange I can be. Now, I hope you don’t mind, I’m attracted to you And I’d like to explore all the facets of you But I’m wondering dear, how accepting you’ll be Of the quirkier, kookier facets of me Please forgive me if I seem a bit slow to confess But you should know by now that I like you enough to profess I’m a pirate Wait, before you shove off, please just let me explain Because it isn’t just stupid; I swear it’s not lame Sure, I like drinking rum. I like playing with swords. And my jokes about booty are a bit untoward And yes, I broke your TV watching ninja movies and I might have been slipping some rum in your tea I’ve a weakness for grog, and for leather and beards Still I’m hoping you don’t find my secret too weird Please forgive me if I seem a bit slow to confess But you should know by now that I like you enough to profess I’m a pirate If you wanna, you can come along for the ride I might even have a tricorn hat you can try won’t you tell me that you think it’s all right that I might be a pirate I can see you’re confused, I’m not crazy, I swear I don’t rape, pillage, plunder, wear shells in my hair No, I’m not Johnny Depp, or Elizabeth Swann I just like shouting, “yar” with my stripey socks on Cross my heart, I won’t laugh, if you’re in 501st play a zombie on Sundays and in Thu’um are versed You can watch all the Star Trek you want, it’s okay Spock’s a bit of a pirate at heart some would say Please forgive me if I seem a bit slow to confess But you should know by now that I like you enough to profess Please forgive me if I seem a bit slow to confess But you should know by now that I like you enough to profess I’m a pirate
5.
The Enterprise has been my home for five long years of travel, Today’s the day I earn my pay by entering into battle, Chorus: As I boldly go, against our foes, my red shirt is my glory, But If I should die, hold your head high and tell them all my story With m' long-lost friends, I’ll make amends, just as soon as I am homeward, For Captain Kirk put me to work and means to move me forward With the landing crew, on my debut, I’m thrilled for this adventure We’re beaming down to some strange town and I’m the first to enter With a twinkling eye, Scotty bids goodbye and blesses my dear mother T’was an odd goodbye, I will not lie. I’m just a little buggered In the transport room there’s a sense of doom but I’m sure it’s all quite common For I have me crew, they know what to do, should we encounter problems
6.
The first time I laid eyes on you Was the first time I could see When you touched my hand and smiled Your current charged through me Though you made me to assist you No way you could foresee Your android aide whom you had made Found love the master key Chorus: You made me who I am but I can’t change you I show you how I feel but I can’t break through This capacitive reactance Now I see that we’re worlds apart You can have your distance But I’ll change the locks on my heart I worry at your furrowed brow As you tinker on for hours And while you work I fantasize That you would buy me flowers Fierce heat inside me when you’re near It threatens to destroy My skin is made of cobalt-chrome But my heart’s weak tin alloy Chorus You say that you need space I need space, too I just thought we’d see it together Maybe even touch the moon So I’ll leave you when you’re sleeping You won’t see my strange tears gleam For even though I cannot sleep You’ve taught me how dream If you knew some gears and circuits And biochemical gel Would make a robot who could love Would you have done so well? Chorus It’s capacitive reactance Now I see that we’re worlds apart You can have your distance But I’ll change the locks on my heart
7.
Three one four one five nine two Times 2r will bring us to An area we’ll dig into It's Pi Day I’m in love Give us crust that breaks apart Ala mode or ala carte You can keep your apple tart It's Pi Day I’m in love Easter can wait And Thanksgiving is much too late But Pi Day always satiates I don’t care if you give me flack Machin and Euler had the knack To use math on my favorite snack It's Pi Day I’m in love Paint it black or pen it red Stitch a graph for sine in thread Bake a cake, even round bread It's Pi Day I’m in love Easter can wait And Thanksgiving is much too late But Pi Day always satiates Dressed up to the eyes It's a wonderful surprise To see your crust bubble and rise Throwing out your frown And just smiling at the sound Of the squeaks and the shrieks As we pass it around Always take a big bite It's such a gorgeous sight You can even eat in the middle of the night You can never get enough Enough of this stuff It's Pi Day I’m in love Three one four one five nine two Times 2r will bring us to An area we’ll dig into It's Pi Day I’m in love Give us crust that breaks apart Ala mode or ala carte You can keep your apple tart It's Pi Day I’m in love
8.
Chorus: Bang bang Lulu, Lulu bang bang Who's gonna bang for Lulu When Lulu's gone away Some girls work in factories, some girls work in stores, But Lulu works in a bawdy house with forty other... Lulu had two boyfriends, both of them were rich One was the son of a baker, the other was the son of a … Lulu had a baby, and it was quite a shock, She couldn't call it Lulu, ‘cause that bastard had a... Lulu had a little lamb, she kept it in a bucket, Every time the lamb jumped out, the bulldog tried to... Lulu had a walking stick and it was very blunt But she didn't take it walking, she would stick it up her... Lulu had a mother, full of sass and pluck She taught that girl no ‘rithmatic but taught that girl to...
9.
Fuck 'Em All 03:21
They say there’s a fine ship just leaving the bay Bound for a fairer shore Heavily laden with what kind of men? Well, we’ll find out for sure There's many a lad just finishin’ his time, There's many a swab signing on; You’ll get no promotion this side of the ocean So cheer up, my lass, fuck ‘em all! Chorus: Fuck ‘em all! Fuck ‘em all! Fuck the long and the short and the tall Fuck all the captains and their number ones Fuck all the gunners and their fucking guns And we’re saying good-bye to them all As back to their hammocks they crawl You’ll get no promotion this side of the ocean So cheer up, my lass, fuck ‘em all They say if you work hard you get better pay Well, we’ve all heard that before Put in some muscle and tighten your bustle And you’ll never be wanting more There’s many a lass that has taken it in Hook, line, and sinker and all You’ll get no promotion this side of the ocean So cheer up, my lass, fuck ‘em all Chorus They say that the captain’s a very nice chap We won’t confirm or deny Ask him for leave on a Saturday eve And he’ll make you pump the bilge dry Many a sailor has blighted his life By writing rude words on the wall You’ll get no promotion this side of the ocean So cheer up, my lass, fuck ‘em all Chorus Fuck 'em all! Fuck 'em all! Fuck the long and the short and the tall; Fuck all the barmaids and and drink all their rum Fuck all the sailors and their bastard sons; For we're saying goodbye to them all, At least ‘til our next port of call You'll get no promotion this side of the ocean, So cheer up my lads, fuck 'em all! Nobody knows what a whore you have been So cheer up, my lass, fuck ‘em all!
10.
Bugger Off 03:25
You've been a lovely audience but now your time has passed Now don’t you all be letting the door hit you in the ass You've been a splendid audience but enough is enough We'd thank you very kindly if you'd all just bugger off CHORUS: Bugger off you bastards bugger off FUCK YOU! Bugger off you bastards bugger off Like a herd of bloody swine who refuse to leave the trough You'll get no more this evening so you bastards bugger off Here’s to all the thievin’ waitresses been serving you your beer They've put up with your noxious breath and stupid drunken leers Be leaving all your money on the table when you go Tomorrow you'll have a throbbing head with nothing else to show CHORUS Here's to all the lovely ladies who are waiting for the band And thinking one of them might make a charming one night stand Oh please don’t take offence because this song’s not meant for you We'll be happy to oblige you when this nasty job is through CHORUS So now you’re promising the ladies a night of loving bliss When truth be told you’re far too drunk to stand up straight and piss So give it up you bloody sots you'll not be getting laid And the sooner that you’re out the door the sooner we'll be paid CHORUS x 3 FUCK YOU!
11.
A rooster says Good Morning With a "Cock-a-doodle-doo" - Good Morning! A horse's neigh is just his way Of saying, "How are you". A lion growls "Hello" And owls ask "Why" and "Where" and "Who". May I suggest you get undressed And show them your wazoo - Oh, The animals, the animals, Let's talk dirty to the animals. Fuck you, Mister Bunny. Eat Shit, Mister Bear. If they don't love it, they can shove it. Frankly, we don't care - Oh, The animals, the animals, Let's talk dirty to the animals. Up yours, Mister Hippo Piss off, Mister Fox. Go tell a chicken, "Suck my dick" and Give him chicken pox - Oh, The animals, the animals, Let's talk dirty to the animals From birds in the treetops To snakes in the grass - But, Never tell an alligator, "Bite my..." No! Never tell an alligator, "Bite my..." Yes! Never tell an alligator, "Bite my snatch!"

about

A collection of songs old and new, originals and filk, shanties and ballads, ships and science, love and naughtiness.

It's geek pirate fusion, and it's waiting for your ears.

credits

released April 24, 2013

Vocals: Jessica Hebert, Hollyanna Smith McCollom
Additional Vocals: Wood Jackson
Guitars: Christian Lipski

Album art by Molly Hayden www.layofthelacrymer.com

Recorded in the Magic Murder Room, Portland OR

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

The PDX Broadsides Portland, Oregon

The PDX Broadsides (Portland, OR)
pdxbroadsides.com
are a trio of nerd enthusiasts who sing about science, piracy, superheroes, robots, and other geeky topics with great vigor and harmony. Formed in September 2011 on accident in a crucible of exhaustion, excessive coffee and too much wine, they deliver original nerdy tunes and geek parodies. ... more

contact / help

Contact The PDX Broadsides

Streaming and
Download help

Shipping and returns

Redeem code

Report this album or account

The PDX Broadsides recommends:

If you like The PDX Broadsides, you may also like: