Aim To Misbehave

by The PDX Broadsides

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about

Our sophomore album, with songs ranging from growing up geek to advice columns by Conan the Barbarian to call centers in purgatory, celebrates our love for nerddom.

"Aim to Misbehave is a fun and relaxing album that is unapologetic in it’s celebration of fandom." - Geek Hard Show

"Pick this album up, it’s not only diverse in subjects but styles of music as well. It’ll make great geeky background music for your next tabletop game night." - Seattle Geekly

credits

released May 26, 2015

Vocals: Jessica Hebert, Hollyanna McCollom, Christian Lipski
Guitars: Christian Lipski

Special appearances by Aubrey Webber (cello) and Fletcher Lanning (upright bass)

Recorded at Anthemtown Studios; Portland, OR.

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about

The PDX Broadsides Portland, Oregon

The PDX Broadsides (Portland, OR)
pdxbroadsides.com
are a trio of nerd enthusiasts who sing about science, piracy, superheroes, robots, and other geeky topics with great vigor and harmony. Formed in September 2011 on accident in a crucible of exhaustion, excessive coffee and too much wine, they deliver original nerdy tunes and geek parodies. ... more

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Track Name: Aim To Misbehave
We’re flying away and there’s only one reason
Forget duck and rabbit, it’s Browncoat Season
Gotta break atmo or we’re humped tonight
Pull on the stick and the engine’s thumpin’
Shift weight to the back and prepare for dumpin’
We’ll outrun Alliance if we’re light

I aa-iii-mm to misbehave
I aa-iii-mm to misbehave
You can stay or you can go
But don’t you dare make me slow
I aa-iii-mm to misbehave

Our cargo’s getting mighty stinky
And we see our deal’s gone hinky
Then two of our crew got nicked from us
Time to launch a rescue mission
To steal them from the opposition
“Big damn heroes. Ain’t we just?”

CHORUS

In our shiny little ship, we'll give the Feds the slip
Behind us Earth-That-Was, our future free because

CHORUS
I aa-iii-mm to misbehave
Track Name: The Lego Song
CHORUS:
Lego (la, la, la-la!)
Lego (la, la, la-la!)
We’ll go
With our imagination
We know
That’s how we grow
It won’t get old, no,
And we’ll still play with Lego

When we were just tiny tots
We learned to play with building blocks
And make our dreams, with toys it seemed
To be so simple
Build a castle, make a car
Plastic planes won’t fly real far
But we’ll try to float our Lego boat
And wish it bigger

CHORUS

So we’d build it, piece by piece
Pirates, Star Wars, Space Police
Big or small, create them all
Red, yellow, green, blue
It didn’t matter if the thing
Looked just like Lord of the Rings
Or a Gatling gun, we build for fun
And sometimes still do

CHORUS

It doesn't matter what we make with Lego
As long as we think as we play

Blocks, thousands of blocks
Land is green and helipads grey
Give us buckets and boxes of bricks
And we'll happily build all day

Lego (la-la, la-la)
Track Name: Best In Life
You’re running late for your first date - it’s raining
Or maybe there’s a hair in your french toast
You’re orphaned and then sold off into slavery
You know, the kinds of things that bug us all the most...

CHORUS:
Crush your enemies, see them driven before you
Crush your enemies, hear the cries of their women
When you feel your life's unjust
Find the ones who sow distrust
Crush your enemies, see them driven before you

If you feel stress, your day is less than perfect
And people do not act the way they should
Then start your plans to make your life a better one
By swearing to get your revenge, but good....

CHORUS

When you’re in need and all you see are stop signs
And everywhere you ask they tell you “no”
Remember those who wouldn’t lend assistance
And crucify them on your Tree of Woe

CHORUS

Don't put up with daily strife--
Find out what is best in life!
Crush your enemies, see them driven before you
Track Name: The Story Of Me
When I was a girl, I knew I was pretty
Was smarter than most and so charming and witty
I thought I could light up the room like the fourth of July
If you asked me, I’d tell you, I had only begun
I'd be Xena and Einstein all rolled into one
I knew I was gonna be big just as soon as I tried

So, where is the girl who threw stars at her feet?
When did the warrior princess retreat?
When did she look at herself and say, “Oh, never mind.”
Well, I’m still the girl who believed she could fly
She’s still a part of me deeper inside.
It’s hard to remember the words, but I still want to try
It’s the story of me

We batter ourselves just trying to be better
To be the smartest and geekiest winsome go-getter
The bar just keeps getting raised when we get to the top
If you ask me, I’ll tell you, I’m still figuring out
Just who I am, what I want, and where to hang out
I know I deserve more, some days it’s just hard to see why

CHORUS

I’d like to talk to the 12-year old me
And tell her she's playing a role we don't need
Don't pretend that you don’t want the things you're afraid you can’t have
If you ask me, I’ll tell you, I like who I am
I’m stronger each day if I give it a chance
I don’t know the outcome, I’m writing it all as I go

CHORUS

So, maybe it's time that I learned how to stand
Maybe it's time I embraced who I am
I don't know the whole story, but at least now I don't have to lie.
It’s the story of me
Track Name: Love is BASIC
Everyone complains about love - "It's so complex," they say
It's no square root of negative one, there is no math to blame
Love is not impossible, it's just a search for B
That loops around and round in a circle
From 1 to infinity

RUN

10 LET A be a girl like me
20 LET B be you
30 IF A is equal to B THEN honey I guess we'll do (GOTO 80)
40 LET us give it one more try
50 IF it doesn't work THEN
60 We are not compatible
70 GOTO 10

After several iterations you might be feeling low
But just add one to the B you had and back to the top you go
Love is not impossible, it's just a search for B
That loops around and round in a circle
From 1 to infinity

RUN

10 LET A be a girl like me
20 LET B be you
30 IF A is equal to B THEN honey I guess we'll do (GOTO 80)
40 LET us give it one more try
50 IF it doesn't work THEN
60 We are not compatible
70 GOTO

10 LET A be a girl like me
20 LET B be you
30 IF A is equal to B THEN honey I guess we'll do (GOTO 80 now)
40 LET us give it one more try
50 IF it doesn't work THEN
60 We are not compatible
70 GOTO 10
80 STOP
Track Name: Superheroes Are People, Too
They fight evil with extraordinary powers
They save us and the place that we call home
And when the villain’s stunned, the battle has been won
Sometimes they just want to be alone

CHORUS:
Superheroes are people, too
Give those guys the same respect they give to me and you
Let them have some privacy when the day is through
Because superheroes are people, too

With great power comes great responsibility
And our heroes have taken up that task
After dangers that they face, they need some private space
We don’t think that it’s too much to ask

CHORUS

Wonder Woman can shower on her own
Stop asking Catwoman if she will "crack your whip"
Zatanna can wear pants if she wants to
A telephoto lens is not a relationship... Peter Parker

If you see your favorite hero at a club
Or walking Krypto or on a date
Give them a friendly wave and please try to behave
You would not like the Hulk when he’s irate

CHORUS

Because sometimes Spider-Man just wants a jug of milk
Superheroes are people, too
Track Name: Toad's Lament
I wish that I were royalty, if only I could be
Beautiful like Princess Peach or cheerful like Daisy
Instead when my prince does arrive, I’ll be forced to say
“I’m sorry, Prince, as it turns out
This is not your day”

CHORUS:
Because our princess is in another castle
She was here but now she’s gone, so please just move along
Because our princess is in another castle
But I really wish it could be me

I wish I had a gown, instead I wear this mushroom hat
And because I’m short I’m afraid it just makes me look fat
After all this way you’ve come and I must look contrite
But Mario, I promise more
Than one heart breaks tonight

CHORUS

And if I were her
I’d cook all your meals with mushrooms
And I’d take you to my bedroom so
I could hold you close at night
Could I be yours?
Well, maybe you’re short-sighted
I’m saying I would be delighted
If you could overlook my height

I know it’s not avoidable, soon you will be here
Bowser will find his defeat and you’ll finally be near
I’ll take a breath, try to confess - I can’t keep this at bay
But you interrupt me as I start
Drop to your knees and say

No, Toad, my princess is in this castle
I’ve been through every world, it’s true, I’d take on any boss for you
Because my princess is in this castle
So won’t you come away with me?

At least that's how I dream it'd be
Track Name: Miyazaki Dreams
Last night I dreamed I found a fish and made her my dear friend
She licked my wounds and gave me hope that loneliness could end
She held more magic in her fin than the ocean could contain
And even when the waves run high, I love her just the same

CHORUS:
I want a house that can walk me to the store
And I want the cat bus to show up at my door
I wanna make friends with the fire that cooks my breakfast everyday
I'm dreaming Miyazaki dreams and I just wanna stay--asleep.

My house is filled with soot sprites but I can't laugh them away
I'm restless and just wishing for a friend to bright my day
I found him in the woods, a beast so magical and strange
He made my garden grow and brought me laughter for a change

CHORUS

It's hard when I am lonely in a world that's not my own
Forgot my name and cannot cross the river to get home
But even when the nightmares come, they can't tear me apart
'Cause I've got magic in my pocket and got love here in my heart

CHORUS
Track Name: Paranormal Helpdesk
CHORUS:
All night long, until the break of dawn
We'll take your calls and caterwauls
About strange bloodstains on your walls
Don't be scared, we are well prepared
We're your - paranormal helpdesk.

Thank you for calling supernatural support
You’re having trouble with demonic possession?
Try throwing a virgin in a volcano.
If that resolved your problem, my last name is McCollom
And I hope that you’ll fill out a short survey

Thank you for calling supernatural support
You're through to troubleshooting for vamps and incubi
Try shoving a pointed stake into its heart
If all he does is moan, at least now he'll leave you alone
I hope I have been of some help today

CHORUS

Thank you for calling supernatural support
No, I'm afraid your policy won’t cover that
Angry hordes of angels ARE an "Act of God"
If they can’t be placated, it's time you relocated
I'll connect you to our Department of Priests

Thank you for calling supernatural support
I see here on my screen your number has been flagged
Twilight is just fiction; it’s an awful book
Edward isn't real; I just don't see the appeal
Of a stalker vamp watching while you sleep

All night long, until the break of dawn
We'll take your calls and caterwauls
About strange bloodstains on your walls
Don't be scared, we are well prepared
All night long, until the break of dawn
We'll talk you down about the clown
Who’s in your kitchen with a knife
Don't be scared, we are well prepared
You've reached the - paranormal helpdesk
Track Name: The Girl Who Waited
I wanted someone who was very
Non-imaginary
Who would take me from a life of nothing great
So desperate for some real excitement
Scared of what my life meant
If I had to be the captain and first mate

You were everything I thought I needed
Listened when I pleaded
And rewarded me with journeys to the stars
Even when you left me jaded
So humiliated
You would always turn back time and heal the scars

CHORUS
I don’t need you to rescue me
I just need you to care
I’d like to think you think of me out there
You were my companion
Just as much as I was yours
I was the girl who waited…
I’m not waiting any more

Now I’m wiser and I’ve chosen better
Here’s your Dear John letter
Though it’s full of love and tenderness from me
If I don’t choose what road I’m taking
Then I’m only faking
And I’m not the woman I deserve to be

CHORUS x2
Track Name: Everybody Dies
I love to watch my Game of Thrones - by far my favorite show
But if you haven't seen it and know nothing like Jon Snow
I'm happy to give you some pointers
Game rules, as it were
The first thing that you really ought to know:

Everybody dies
Everybody dies
You'll see their headless corpses covered with flies
No matter if they're good or bad
Stand tall or small in size
There's one thing you will find
Everybody dies

The second thing I'll share with you is no one ever shares
Your best friend will betray you even though he says he cares
The only person you can trust is
One who's in the grave
Be careful, its a rotten world out there

Everybody lies
Everybody lies
You'll see their smiling faces are a disguise
They'll promise you a castle
And then stab you in the eyes
There's one thing you will find
Everybody lies

The final thing to teach you, if I'm put under duress:
You'll never have to wait for long to see someone undress
You might glimpse Theon's Greyjoy
Or a Lannister's white bum
But one fact simply can't be overstressed:

Everybody's boobs
Everybody's boobs
You'll see them stripped from dresses down to their pubes
The writers have to show 'em all,
Main characters and newbs
There's one thing you will see
Everybody's boobs
(Lemme take that back)
There's two things you will see
Everybody's boobs
(And now you're done)
In the game of boobs and lies everybody dies!
Track Name: Wheaton's Law [explicit]
Your roommates would like you to know
They can hear your nocturnal activity
And they say it wouldn’t be so bad (so bad)
If your girlfriend didn’t have a proclivity
We all know she’s quite fulfilled
She screams just like she’s being killed
We’re happy that you love her crotch (her crotch)
But could you take it down a notch?

CHORUS:
Don’t be a dick, don’t be a dick, don’t be a dick
Wil's advice is wise, so use this simple trick
Treat others well, it’s Wheaton’s Law, and we hope it sticks
So when in doubt...
Don’t be a dick

You told your friends to meet at three o’clock
They’ve been waiting, and now it’s - after four
Paid their tab and now they’re gonna go (bye bye)
When you finally come strolling - in the door
You didn’t think to text or call
And you don’t get why they’re mad at all
‘Cause there were other things to do
And they’re not being fair to you

CHORUS

Someone is wrong on the internet
SOMEONE is WRONG on the INTERNET
Don’t let a troll ruin your whole day
Shut them down when they start
Someone is wrong on the internet
SOMEONE is WRONG on the INTERNET
The unfriend button is just a click away
The unfriend button in your heart

Park in handicap, ‘cause you’ll be “just a sec”
And use express lanes when you have a full cart
Don’t let people merge on the highway (beep beep)
Blame someone else and walk away when you fart
Touching people without permission
Sneaking in events without admission
Being a sexist, racist, asshole kind of guy (that guy)
Or swiping the last piece of pie

CHORUS

Don’t be a dick, don’t be a dick, don’t be a dick
Wil's advice is wise, so use this simple trick
If you have to ask, it’s probably wrong, so let this message click
So when in doubt...
Don’t be a dick
Track Name: Nathan Fillion (Please Take Off Your Pants) (live 1/31/15)
Nathan Fillion, please take off your pants!
(Nathan Fillion, please take off your pants!)
Nathan Fillion, please take off your pants!
(Nathan Fillion, please take off your pants!)
Nathan Fillion, do a little dance!
(Nathan Fillion, do a little dance!)
Nathan Fillion, please take off your pants!
(Nathan Fillion, please take off your pants!)

I threw my spoon across the room
When I saw that perfect moon
I didn’t know just what to do
So I hit rewind
And when his rear appeared again
I had to slowly count to ten
Or else my heart would surely rend
From seeing that behind!

I rewatched all of Firefly
In vain attempts to espy
Whether what was under fly
Was really quite that grand
They call him one in Much Ado
But I’m feeling rather blue
It lacked the tush we want to view
The finest in the land!

His rump is proving awful wily
There’s a glimpse in Outing Riley
I’d rather see him twerk than Miley
But he’s got some class
His tuchus even has a Tumblr
Nathan, if you want my number
I could be your booty drummer
Oh my god, DAT BUTT