Lust Issues - The Dirty EP

by The PDX Broadsides

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Yes, TRUST ISSUES is family-friendly, but there are some naughtier tunes we've been eager to share with you. Thanks to our Kickstarter backers, we present to you our Dirty EP, LUST ISSUES!

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released October 30, 2017

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The PDX Broadsides Portland, Oregon

The PDX Broadsides (Portland, OR)
pdxbroadsides.com
are a trio of nerd enthusiasts who sing about science, piracy, superheroes, robots, and other geeky topics with great vigor and harmony. Formed in September 2011 on accident in a crucible of exhaustion, excessive coffee and too much wine, they deliver original nerdy tunes and geek parodies. ... more

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Track Name: Rocket Science (Adult Version)
Signalling when you turn
Spending no more than you earn
Form a queue
Say bless you
When somebody sneezes
Dress up for that interview
Say both please AND thank you
Make some plans
Wash your hands
To prevent diseases

CHORUS:
This is NOT rocket science
This should not catch you off guard
This is NOT rocket science
This...is not that fucking hard

Want a raise? Ask for it
Don’t take other people’s...stuff
Fire’s hot
X marks the spot
Answer all your emails
Use proper change for tolls
Don’t engage with comment trolls
Don’t put your feet
On streetcar seats
Hurry, call it, heads or tails?

CHORUS

JAM BREAK!

CHORUS

Adjusting for the atmosphere
Knowing how to engineer
A craft for flight
Like Brothers Wright
To explore both space and sky
Aeroelasticity
Structure flexibility
What combusts
Produce a thrust
To make a rocket really fly!

This IS rocket science
This just might catch you off guard
This IS rocket science
This is pretty fucking hard
This IS rocket science
This shit is pretty fucking hard
Rocket science...is fucking hard
Track Name: Dirtbag Romeo
Dear Juliet, I saw you at the party
Though we've only met, girl, you're the one
You’re super hot and I’m a tad obsessive
Now ditch your nurse and parent, let’s have fun
Our families may be at war, but I have these stupid friends
A rose by any other...hey, girl, what’s your name again?
Stop asking me wherefore, because you know
I’ll always be your dirtbag Romeo

Dear Juliet, I’m just outside your window
Paris would have flowers or a poem
Me, I wish I would have brought a sandwich
Since I’m just here ‘cause I’m too drunk to get home
They say that young men’s love’s not in their hearts, but in their eyes
I swear I’m not like that so let me check between them thighs
I’ll make you swear your love to me below
I’ll always be your dirtbag Romeo

Dear Juliet, girl, I got some bad news
It seems your dickbag cousin’s met his end
Don’t get me wrong, that guy was such a toolkit
But I’m feeling bad ‘cause he was our kinsman
I’ll make it up to you if you’ll just let me in your bed
Oh, by the way, I’m leaving town, The Prince, he wants me dead
Now if you please, to your knees, thither go
I’ll always be your dirtbag Romeo

Dear Juliet, I’m lying right beside you
And even dead, you’re so completely fine
But as I quaff this PBR and poison
I wonder if you’re as hot as Rosaline
Our story ends with me and we’ve earned every coffin nail
But what we’ve really learned is not to trust Italian mail
Thy drugs are quick, a kiss before I go...oh no.
I’ll always be your dirtbag Romeo
Track Name: It's Just Sex
Call it sex, call it fucking, which your phone corrects to “ducking”
When you’re sexting with that sexy Tindr guy
It does not add romance when you call it “baby dance”
If you do I hope you catch it in the eye

You’re not old enough to have it if you cannot say its name
Intercourse, fuck like rabbits even those are pretty tame
They’re labia, if maybe ya indulge in nymphomania
Come on and do it, or screw it...
It’s just sex!

If you whisper, “How’s your father?” then you shouldn’t even bother
Until the facts of life don’t scare you so
You can call it making love but when push *cough* comes to shove
That’s really not what makes the juices flow

You’re not old enough to have it if you cannot say its name
Fornication, copulation even those are pretty tame
It shouldn’t cause angina to say foreskin or vagina
Come on and do it, or screw it
It’s just sex!

Please don't fear using terms that are clinical
Those who hear will not likely think you cynical
Don't dissemble, be specific, for if
You get scientific
You're more likely to bring passion to its pinnacle

Your verbal substitutions will not give the word ablutions
It won’t make it any cleaner to pretend
No pants dance, do the deed, bumping uglies, spreading seed
Are unlikely to incite me to transcend

You’re not old enough to have it if you cannot say its name
Reproduction, carnal knowledge even those are pretty tame
If you want to lose your merkin to be jerkin’ where she’s twerkin’
Come on and do it, or screw it
It’s just sex!

Don’t be genteel to cop a feel
It’s just sex!

Get permission for emissions
It’s just sex!

Don’t pull out, just lean in!
It’s just sex!

Come on and do it, or screw it
It’s just sex!
Track Name: Adam Baldwin Slashfic
Put two and two together and you know that they are four
But with Adam Baldwin in the mix you’re gonna get much more

Adam Baldwin slashfic
Sing another verse
Tell another story
And please make this one worse

When Hogwarts needed someone to teach their PE class
They chose young Adam Baldwin for his athletic past
But when he met Professor Snape he found himself entranced
And finally won him over with a sexy hula dance.
And finally won him over with a sexy hula dance.

CHORUS

Then Baldwin rode a cyclone to the magic land of Oz
He put the moves on Dorothy who turned him down because
Although he seemed quite interested, when she turned her head
He dropped the act, he dropped his pants, and screwed the dog instead.
He dropped the act, he dropped his pants, and screwed the dog instead.

CHORUS

Baldwin is the cunning runt
Who pulls such cunning stunts
And with his cunning countrymen
Continues to confront

Adam joined the Enterprise and worked for Mr Scott
And you could say it wasn't just the warp core getting hot
So when the captain wandered in and found them in the nude
His engineer was elbow deep in Baldwin's Jeffries tube
His engineer was elbow deep in Baldwin's Jeffries tube

CHORUS

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