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Something's Rotten

by The PDX Broadsides

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1.
CHORUS: The girl who couldn't even She just could not with this Singing wey ho! Right? I know! And she literally almost died And she literally almost died Her mochaccino's not that hot - "Oh no I can't even" That parking ticket cost a lot - "Oh no I just can't" Singing wey ho! Right? I know! Are you kidding me? Forty minute wait for brunch - "Oh no I can't even" Booth so small she had to scrunch - "Oh no I just can't" Singing wey ho! Right? I know! Are you kidding me? CHORUS Leftovers got thrown away - "Oh no I can’t even" Twitter has been down all day - "Oh no I just can't" Singing wey ho! Right? I know! Are you kidding me? Nothing could communicate - "Oh no I can't even" What she has to tolerate - "Oh no I just can't" Singing wey ho! Right? I know! Are you kidding me? CHORUS And she literally almost died And she literally - not even figuratively - almost died
2.
I don't know what to do I've never been that good at big decisions Should I just let it go Or am I just avoiding taking charge? My thoughts are clinging helpless to a single refrain: It feels like something's rotten in my brain I came to visit, cause you're the only friend that I can find This cemetery - is lonely and it's cold but I don't mind I don't know what to to do Cause I get the feeling mother's Acting odd - With Uncle Claude I think I know why Oedipus went blind I kind of envy you - It must be nice to never have to choose I'm such a screw-up - No matter what I pick I seem to lose And now I have to figure How to tell my girlfriend's parents That their daughter's - In the water I've got the Danish Melancholy Blues I don't know what to do I've never been that good at big decisions Should I just let it go Or am I just avoiding taking charge? I wish my flesh would melt and I could flow down the drain It feels like something's rotten in my brain
3.
Catatonic 02:05
I'm kinda happy and kinda sad Cause you're the best friend that I never had I watch your shows and write you letters About how we should hang out together But you never write me back Cause the letters are piled up in this stack It's in between a crush and obsession I always give the wrong impression I go to your panels at every con But when I meet you my memory's gone I start to open my mouth And nothing but air is coming out CHORUS Wait, what is my name How'd I get here The facts aren't very clear These are questions I should know the answer to I just want to say I'm such a fan But then you shake my hand It's in my brain but then it can't get through I'm catatonic when I talk to you So much to say but where to begin Don't want you to think that I'd wear your skin The stuff you've done has meant so much But my mind empties when we touch Wait, I think I've got it now "..." CHORUS When I walk away It'll come back And I'll have a heart attack Cause I'll remember what I meant to do But it's no use Guess it's just me I'll see you on TV Where I can tell you what I wanted to I'm catatonic when I talk to you
4.
Meant To Be 02:45
You’re the sock and I’m the shoe We should be so good, it’s true, and I’ve tried, I’ve tried, I’ve tried You’re the lock and I’m the key So, it’s a mystery to me, but I’ve tried, I’ve tried, I’ve tried CHORUS “Meant to be” is such a curse We never hear the second verse Sometimes a princess wants more than a prince We fight, we cry, and we break up But I don’t wanna give you up Sometimes you have to try to make love work Because we’re not fictional You’re the P and I’m the J We lost our B along the way and I’ve tried, I’ve tried, I’ve tried You’re the fish and I’m the chips, But kisses don’t save sinking ships and I’ve tried, I’ve tried, I’ve tried CHORUS You’re the song and I’m the dance Our love should be a great romance and I’ve tried, I’ve tried, I’ve tried You’re my Gambit, I’m your Rogue What went wrong, I just don’t know but I’ve tried, I’ve tried, I’ve tried CHORUS You are Watson, I am Crick Together, we should really click and I’ve tried, I’ve tried, I’ve tried You are Zeus, I’m Ganymede Our love, it should be guaranteed and I’ve tried, I’ve tried, I’ve tried CHORUS You’re the sock and I’m the shoe We should be so good, it’s true, So let’s try, let’s try, let’s try
5.
I’m leaving Earth behind today But I promise, I will see you soon They say we can cut time off the trip If I slingshot ‘round the moon And every star in every constellation Spells the name that burns inside my heart To keep me warm as I hurtle through space Every moment we are apart My spaceship is made of pure genius The parts are curious and fine They click so seamlessly together Just like your hand and mine And every planet in every solar system Makes an orbit like a ring of gold Like the one that shines on my finger As I fly out in the black and cold I know that my love for adventure Sometimes brings you pain And you watch and worry in wonder At a frontier that we can’t explain And our galaxy that spins on its axis Reaching arms spiralling and wide Sends your love in every particle transmission So I feel you by my side If ever the waves should go silent My voice does not answer a hail And all of their expert precision Cannot find my trail Every dial will be set to bring me homeward Even if my last breath is through For I will be where I loved best If they bury me next to you I’m leaving Earth behind today But I promise, I will be home...
6.
When I first met you You blew my world away You were the smartest thing You knew just what to say And when I first reached out You trembled at my touch You seemed to want me then, but now it's all too much CHORUS: Oh, far away and distant one Just where did we go wrong Your clever mind has torn our world apart. Oh, I don't know just what to say When you keep pushing me away And I know the only way to play my part: I've got to exterminate my heart Please, listen to me Please just let me in I know you're angry, but forgiveness ain't a sin And I want to touch you I long to take a hold But you hide behind your armor and it's so very cold CHORUS I've tried to love you I've been right there And though your mind amazes You just don't care And I want to stay here I want to make amends But I'm so tired of crying when you kill off my friends CHORUS Yeah, there's only one good way to play my part: I've got to exterminate my heart
7.
It was my first convention I had never seen so many happy nerds I was a shy guest speaker Who was never very handy with my words I took the stage, so nervous And gripped the podium with both my shaking hands But then I thought, "Don't worry Just talk about the things they understand." CHORUS Live long and prosper As Gandalf said to Harry Watch out for Daleks The wizard boy replied Trying to rescue The beautiful Inara While they were fighting Darth Vader side by side They got the fires extinguished I am told it was a three-alarm affair And there were cops with roadblocks And several helicopters in the air I didn't know what happened The doctors told me what had come to pass Because it took twelve hours To pull the Klingon bat'leth from my ass CHORUS "C’mon everybody! This one's for Wash!" CHORUS “Frakkin’ toasters!"
8.
Nopetopus 03:19
Conversation - has made a wrong turn And forsaken - the genteel discussion I’d taken - for granted this evening I’m achin’ - For a fast getaway Inversion - Of my lovely evening Perversion - Best left unsaid Coercion - Not in my nature Diversion - Is more what I need CHORUS: Nopetopus You have shown us To deal with abrasion Use novel evasion Nopetopus You’re my patronus You give me hope With your nope nope nope It’s easy - A beacon of hope When I’m queasy - And need to escape If words fail me - I call on your lesson And I’m free - From one minute more Bailing - May not be ideal But failing - A polite excuse Inhaling - Is key to the process And flailing - Like Kermit the Frog CHORUS Bridge: Racist ideas from your uncle When are you both having children? Why can’t you get a date? When will you graduate? Writing is not a real job Can’t you just try a bit harder? Why don’t you dress more your age? Contrails and GMOs, is this the life you chose? Can I give you some advice? Nope Nope... CHORUS
9.
I don't know what to do I've never been that good at big decisions Should I just let it go Or am I just avoiding taking charge? I wish my flesh would melt and I could flow down the drain It feels like something's rotten in my brain You must be kidding me! You irksome, mewling man of indecision! Quit the soliloquies, you dizzy-eyed and beetle-headed brat While you were brooding, I was busy going insane. Oh yeah, there’s something rotten in your brain! I gave you patience through all the words, words, words and family crap I gave you passion, you gave me insults, heartache and the Clap I set my heart on you But the whole thing’s driving me so very mad. You killed my dad! I think I know why Kate was such a shrew Are you contented? Do you dream while you are sleeping where you lie? Should I join you? Can I throw it all away and say goodbye? I think the bigger question is How is it I continue to be Bothered - By my father Parental expectations never die I don't know what to do I've never been that good at big decisions Should I just let it go Or am I just avoiding taking charge? Is this growing up or am I going insane It feels like something's rotten in my brain It’s time for you to grow up, you ignorant Dane It feels like something’s rotten (You can bet there’s something rotten) In my brain (so kill the king)
10.
I Ship It 02:23
The worlds they're living in It's hard to make a friend You wish that they could see what you can see The characters you know You hate to let them go Without a chance to love but luckily It's free Cordelia and Angel - I ship it Bucky Barnes and Starbuck - I ship it Galactus and the planet Earth - I ship it Anyone and everyone can find someone to love 'Cause I ship it In every book you read In movies and tv They're all just waiting for your guiding hand If one world makes you smile Then two is worth your while The only limit is what you command It's planned The Tick and Abe Lincoln - I ship it Thor and Jareth - I ship it Me and Mister Darcy - I ship it Anyone and everyone can find someone to love 'Cause I ship it There's nothing you can't do Whatever comes to you Sweet or sexy - everything is fair Anything can be A fiction fantasy In threes or fours or even just a pair It's there Sherlock and the Doctor - I ship it Hermione and Willow - I ship it All of the Avengers - I ship it Anyone and everyone can find someone to love Yes Anyone and everyone can find someone to love Oh You would not believe the matches I am thinking of 'Cause I ship it
11.
Eureka! 04:22
CHORUS: “Eureka! Eureka!” Archimedes cried And throughout all of history, from both far and wide It’s a new discovery, they exclaim with pride “Eureka! Eureka!” Science is applied! Galileo Galilei said the world was round Isaac Newton saw the math in apples falling down Cuvier named pterodactyl and the mastodon Mary Anning’s fossils moved the dinosaurs along Darwin took his Beagle out to find the origin Mendel crossed the genes of peas to see which traits would win Ellen Richards pushed for better water, cleaner air Marie Curie found particles were zooming here and there CHORUS Henrietta Leavitt made a ruler out of light Einstein slowed down time with superluminary flight Fleming’s penicillin cured a myriad of things Noether gave us arithmetic thoughts on fields and rings Hopper wrote the first compiler, long before PCs Rachel Carson loved the earth and hated DDT Turing broke the Nazi code and thought about AI Mary Leakey found your grandpa’s bones at Olduvai CHORUS BRIDGE: Rosalind Franklin had a way with double-helix DNA We can’t thank her enough The same would go for all the rest, the scientists who did their best So we could know this stuff Fossey’s work with primates was a mission with a risk Sagan sent a message to the cosmos on a disc Nikola Tesla helped to bring the light inside our homes Faraday had ‘lectromagnetism in his bones Planck used quantum theory to turn science into art Mendeleev built a table from atomic parts Polio was finished after Salk gave it a try Merian found magic in a changing butterfly CHORUS Julian made medicine from plants of many kinds Chandrasekhar postulated holes in space and time Nettie Stevens’ chromosomes gave us X and Y Brahmagupta worked with zero, now we say goodbye CHORUS
12.
"Smile!" 03:00
Maybe you think you’re clever Or maybe you think it’s cute But we are just perfect strangers So you come off like a brute I’m just trying to get to work now So, excuse me if I’m not contrite But I’ve never met you before, sir and you don't know it but you're starting a fight// CHORUS: Please don’t ask me to smile Please don’t tell me to cheer up This is my face and it isn’t your place to tell me how I should use it No don’t ask me to smile Because it isn’t kind it’s creepy I just wanna be me Angry, sad or carefree and I'm fine with me So I don’t see a need to excuse it I’ve got a pretty cancerous puppy My mom and my dad just died I’m sorry I don’t seem happy But I’ll try to look on the bright side But I lost all my things in that house fire and I haven’t pooped in a week I think my boyfriend’s dating the mailman So my tolerance is reaching its peak CHORUS BRIDGE: I don’t care if I’m pretty I don’t care if I’m cute I’m not looking to flirt I’m no sweetheart to you You may be funny You may be sweet but right now you kinda sound like a creep CHORUS My cat was abducted by aliens My car is infested with bees I’ll try to remember the good times Like when I got that kidney disease And I’m apparently allergic to coffee And my sister just got killed by bear I’m sorry if I seem so distracted But I just found out I’m losing my hair CHORUS
13.
CHORUS: Nathan Fillion, please take off your pants! Nathan Fillion, please take off your pants! Nathan Fillion, do a little dance! Nathan Fillion, please take off your pants! I threw my spoon across the room When I saw that perfect moon I didn’t know just what to do So I hit rewind And when his rear appeared again I had to slowly count to ten Or else my heart would surely rend From seeing that behind! CHORUS I rewatched all of Firefly In vain attempts to espy Whether what was under fly Was really quite that grand They call him one in Much Ado But I’m feeling rather blue It lacked the tush we want to view The finest in the land! CHORUS HOEDOWN His rump is proving awful wily There’s a glimpse in Outing Riley I’d rather see him twerk than Miley But he’s got some class His tuchus even has a Tumblr Nathan, if you want my number I could be your booty drummer Oh my god, DAT ASS CHORUS X 2

about

“It’s good. It’s really really good!” – Radio Free Hipster

“a clever, well-written album of acoustic folk music” – Typewriter Monkey Task Force

“…a really fun album” – Fandomania

“Great album, Great production, Great Band” – Media Suspects

“The PDX Broadsides have really stepped up their game with Something’s Rotten.” – Geek Hard

credits

released August 30, 2016

Vocals: Jessica Hebert, Hollyanna McCollom, Christian Lipski
Guitars & Drums: Christian Lipski
Percussion: Everyone

Violin on "Astronaut's Hymn" - Sunnie Larsen
Upright Bass on "Far Away and Distant One" - Fletcher Lanning

Recorded, Mixed, & Mastered by Kevin Hahn at Opal Studio, Portland OR

Cover art by Dylan Meconis

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The PDX Broadsides Portland, Oregon

The PDX Broadsides (Portland, OR)
pdxbroadsides.com
are a trio of nerd enthusiasts who sing about science, piracy, superheroes, robots, and other geeky topics with great vigor and harmony. Formed in September 2011 on accident in a crucible of exhaustion, excessive coffee and too much wine, they deliver original nerdy tunes and geek parodies. ... more

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