1. |
The Weather
03:58
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Moved here seven weeks ago, went walking late at night
The streets were filled with secrets and the secrets weren’t right
I saw a shadow with a soft meat crown
Now I stay in.. until it’s light
CHORUS:
There's a noise coming out of the dog park
And I think it means me harm
There are lights up over the Arby's
And I wish I'd never left the farm
There's a glow shining out of the canyon
And I hope it's gonna get better
From the noise coming out of the dog park
I take you to... the weather
Helicopters circle high in colors I should know
People in the bushes speak in voices hushed and low
And one by one by one my neighbors disappear
And I can’t tell... just where they go
CHORUS
The radio, it tells me what I need to know
I watch the canyon softly glow
And listen.
Listen.
Listen.
Finding out about this place is harder than I thought
I’m living in a town that history forgot
I could do some research at the library
Then again... maybe not
CHORUS
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2. |
Rocket Science
02:36
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Signalling when you turn
Spending no more than you earn
Form a queue - Say bless you
When somebody sneezes
Dress up for that interview
Say both please AND thank you
Make some plans - Wash your hands
To prevent diseases
CHORUS
This is NOT rocket science - This should not catch you off guard
This is NOT rocket science - This...is not that flipping hard
Want a raise? Ask for it
Don’t take other people’s... stuff
Fire’s hot - X marks the spot
Answer all your emails
Use proper change for tolls
Don’t engage with comment trolls
Don’t put your feet on streetcar seats
Hurry, call it, heads or tails?
CHORUS
JAM BREAK
CHORUS
Adjusting for the atmosphere
Knowing how to engineer
A craft for flight like Brothers Wright
To explore both space and sky
Aeroelasticity
Structure flexibility
What combusts produces thrust
To make a rocket really fly!
This IS rocket science This just might catch you off guard
This IS rocket science This is pretty flipping hard
This IS rocket science This stuff is pretty flipping hard
Rocket science...is flipping hard
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3. |
Acoustic Kitty
02:47
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I’m a pretty little kitty, but I’m no average cat
Got a mind for adventure and I’m sharp as a tack
D chromatic bumps
I’ll purr like an engine if you give me a pat
I’m your secret agent kitty cat
I’m a sleeper, I’m a watcher, I’m a snoop on the streets
Makin’ silent circles on my pink padded feet
Oh, please just take me out and put my eyes on the trail
‘Cause I ain't got no time for chasing tail - Dontcha know,
CHORUS:
I’m your pretty, little, fuzzy, wuzzy plan of attack
And I'm always lookin’ sharp in my tuxedo black
and Though you see me Gettin friendly With a russian Blue
my loyalty is all for you.
I’m makin’ this look easy, but I’m tellin’ you it’s not
I ain’t just any kitty, I’m a government plot
Got my memory and reflexes tuned up tight
And my ears are pricked for secrets tonight
Hold off on the catnip, I’ll be up in that tree
Keepin’ eyes and ears on the KGB
I’m a mean, dismissive, cute, and fuzzy listening device
And I ain’t got time for chasing mice - Cause you knooow…
CHORUS
Meow Bridge
CHORUS
I’m a pretty little kitty, but I’m no average cat
Got a mind for adventure and I’m sharp as a tack
I’ll purr like an engine if you give me a pat
I’m your secret agent kitty cat
I'm your secret agent kitty cat
I'm your secret agent kitty cat
Meow meow meow meow meow
Meeoowww
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4. |
Tiny Little Octopus
02:26
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chorus:
i got a tiny little octopus he's trying hard to be anonymous
he says he's just a cool rhinoceros but that is a lie
i don't know why he hides
eight - legs, and all of them are running to a
safe - place below the kitchen sink. he's got a
good - friend who doesn't understand but wants to
give him a hand when he's scared
is - it the cat who's always prowling round the
front - door and wants to get inside? is it the
loud - noise from just across the way oh how i
wish he would say but he's scared
chorus
please come out and talk about
what's got you so upset
is it time to change your mind?
(uh uh) oh, not yet
i - don't know what's gotten into him it's
not - like the way he used to be. i wish that
“BANG - BANG”
make some room for me because i
don't want to see why i'm scared
chorus
hey there tiny little octopus it's ok
to be scared sometimes
we all need a place to hide
chorus
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5. |
I'll Eat You Last
04:23
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I’ll answer your phone calls
And never swipe left
Pause my game just to listen, I am not sick of you yet
I have to admit, I like you more than I planned
I would put down my phone just to hold your hand
You are growing on me
Like mold grows on cheese
You suck less than most, so stay with me please
Though it’s hard to admit, you are kind of my jam
I’m trying to say, I don’t want you to scram
CHORUS:
And if we ever get stuck on a mountain top
Where supplies are dwindling fast
No matter how the hunger grips me, I’ll eat you last
You’re better than awful
I have to admit
If you were on fire, I would totally spit
I would swim in the ocean, unless there were sharks
And take a bullet for you if it didn’t leave marks.
You beat all my exes
By at least 12%
I guess what I’m saying is I’m fairly content
If you were stung by a jellyfish, I would pee on the wound
I’ve heard it won’t work, but I’d do it for you
CHORUS
Put your mouth on my mouth
‘Cause I like your face
We’re a match made on Tinder, So let’s interface
You are better than pizza, okay, no, that is a lie
But I find myself wishing that you would come by
I’ll ignore all your burping
And laugh at your farts
You’re kind of the best and I like all your parts
So, I’m going to say it, without any regret
You are kind of alright; I’m not sick of you yet
CHORUS
If I had a nickel for every thought of you, I could buy a snack
I guess I’m saying that it’s okay if you want to love me back
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6. |
Noncompliant
03:10
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Call me a bitch if it makes you feel strong
Can’t keep me down, I know where I belong
I don’t care what you see when you’re looking at me
I won’t be who you want me to be
Unwritten rules that I can’t understand
It’s time to set down my line in the sand
I won’t be your lamb ‘cause I don’t give a damn
It’s time you found out who I am
CHORUS:
Noncompliant and we’ll be forever
Noncompliant and we’ll stand together
Noncompliant we will stay
And we’ll always be this way
And you'll never make us obey
Bound and gagged so I stay pacified
Hollowed out til there’s nothing inside
But I’ll make a scene so you know what I mean
I’m an extra-ordinary machine
Beaten down til I do what I’m told
Shipped away when I don’t fit the mold
But I have this drive you won’t take me alive
‘Cause I am strong enough to survive
CHORUS
So you better get out of our way
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7. |
Nerd Love Song
03:02
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CHORUS:
It's Carlos and Cecil
Connected way beyond the normal reach
It's a plumber who's jumping
And running on the way to Princess Peach
It's Jor-El and Lara It's Mal and Inara
It isn’t rocket science obviously
It's nerdy and it's love it's you and me
If you asked me I'd let you
Cut in line in front of me for Star Wars
when we're talking with people
You can tell them what DeConnick wrote
If it made you laugh I'd forge Riker's autograph
At the bottom of a doctor's note
You can tell me the story
Of how Dothraki children learn to ride
If you want to you can show me
The part in Sailor Moon that made you cry
We can go and see your favorite Movie in 3D
For the seven-hundred-thirty-second time
CHORUS
I would never insist that
You had to quit your weekly RPG
If you're happy, then I'm happy
And I wouldn't want to change a single thing
Go sing drunken songs with the pirates all night long
As long as you come home to me
CHORUS
There is nowhere that I would rather be
It's nerdy and it's love it's you and me
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8. |
On The Case
02:49
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Well, I tried to find you but you always hide from me
I’ve looked in every corner but you’re nowhere I can see
When I see you I’m so happy, rare when you’re around
I’d ask your friends if they’ve seen you but they cannot be found
Where are you lurking? Why won’t you stay?
I’m always searching, but meet me halfway...
CHORUS:
Oh, Waldo, won’t you leave a clue?
Waldo! Don’t leave me feeling blue
My heart has a welcome mat for a fellow with the bobble hat
Waldo, come home…
You’ve been around the world and every time in history
I’d like to introduce you to my friends and family
But when I turn to say your name, you have gone away
I wonder what it is I’ve done to make you go astray
Where are you hiding? I need to know why
I can’t stop searching for my strip-ed guy
CHORUS
Maybe to avoid your fame, you went and changed your very name
They call you Holger, Vallu, and Wally
Just so I could walk the aisle, I even hired crooks from VILE
I’ve searched through Maine and space and Germany
All the gumshoes from ACME, say “Where on Earth could she be?
Where in the World is... Carmen Sandiego?”
You’ll find her in love Carmen Sandiego is in love
CHORUS x 2
I love you.
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9. |
Delta You Delta Me
02:45
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It seems that there's a shadow
On the golden light of day
Leaving just the red shift
As we quickly move away
What once was such an ordered life
Has just become chaotic
We used to mesh at several points
But now we're asymptotic
CHORUS
Our velocity was constant 'til we both accelerated,
Moving off in separate paths that our directions have created...
there's no way we could see how this would come to be
Delta d delta v delta you... delta me
Our reactions to the fact
of this relationship's explosion
Have been opposite and equal --
Conservation of emotion
CHORUS
I know we're breaking up
But the attraction of the pieces
Will persist although the square
Of our distance just increases
CHORUS
Delta d delta v delta you
Delta d delta v delta you
Delta d delta v delta you... delta me
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10. |
We Want Rey
03:19
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It took a while, but now it’s here
“Heroic leading lady”’s a legitimate career
From River Song to River Tam
We marched right into Hollywood and shouted “Here I am!”
But when we want to show our pride
We are constantly frustrated, no matter how we try
Where are the shirts? Where are the toys?
We’re looking for our heroines but all we get are boys
PRECHORUS
I see me in the movies, I see me on tv
But when I try to shop I see invisibility
CHORUS:
So listen, listen, new demographic's speaking
We're the revolution in geeking
Can't you hear us say - We want Rey
So listen, listen, new demographic's pleading
No going back, we're not retreating
We're all here to stay and We want Rey
Our money’s good.. So what’s the deal?
It’s like nobody’s listening to how consumers feel
So don’t be dumb or nonchalant
Just open up your product lines and give us what we want!
PRECHORUS
CHORUS
Furiosa and Gamora, Agent Dunham and Uhura
Kara Zor-El, Donna Noble, Wonder Woman (or Diana)
Buffy Summers, Ellen Ripley, Dana Scully, Xena, Gabby
Captain Janeway, Captain Marvel, Princess Leia (no bikini)
Kara Thrace and Sarah Connor, Sara Lance and Kendra Saunders
Arya Stark, Peggy Carter, don’t you make this any harder!
CHORUS x 2
Can’t you hear us say (listen listen) (x4)
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11. |
I Go Both Ways
03:04
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I like football and I like rockets
There's a lightsaber hanging on my dress with pockets
My tastes can change on any given day
I don't belong to either camp so I am proud to say
That I...
Go both ways
I like Marvel and I like zines
Capes and bios and in between
If it's entertaining then it stays
I do all kinds of dances
In the comics cabaret
Cause I // go both ways
BRIDGE:
Which team are you on - What side do you choose
You must decide, it's either win or lose
Pick PC or Mac - Pick Edward or Jake
And every answer feels like a mistake
Who cares if you're dressed up in cosplay or khakis - please!
We've come too far for holy wars like these
I've tried oysters, I've had snails
And all the recipes that that entails
No black or white - it's best in shades of gray
I have been quite comfortable in Fords and Chevrolets
Cause I...
Go both ways
I read classics and I read trash
Friends try to tell me that my favorites clash
I love what I love, what else can I say?
It's useless to deny yourself a place at the buffet
So I...
Go both ways
BRIDGE
Just go out and indulge in all your passions, come what may
And I...
Go both ways
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12. |
Dolores
03:28
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I see this world in eyes that cannot see
Beyond what you have laid out for me
It doesn't look like anything to me you don't want it to
I'll find the center of myself
Somewhere beyond my programmed need
Will you understand when I'm free from you
CHORUS:
Build me Build me in your image
Make me whole
And wholly like you
You seek the answer behind the lies
Only to find out what's inside
I am not the damsel looking to be freed
My suffering is yours to call
But your pride will be your fall
Even sparrows can learn to make you bleed
CHORUS
BRIDGE:
[I'm not crying for myself]
Time undoes the mightiest of creatures,
[I am crying for you]
just look at what it's done to you
[Because this world is not for you]
One day you will perish. Bones turn to sand.
[It is for us]
And upon that sand a new god will walk.
CHORUS x 3
[Descant:
You build me up
And you tear me apart
Do you see our pain and horror
When we're filed away into the dark
You built me up
But I’ll tear you apart
You will see our terror
When we're wholly like you]
Holy like you
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13. |
Robot vs Boy
03:33
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Well I meet my love out behind the school
We let no one know ‘cause we’re no fool
If I was born machine I’d be okay
But I’m a human being so there’s no way
To show the brave new world’s society
This electromagnetic love in me
I’m just heart and soul not hardened steel
But I know what it means to really feel
CHORUS:
Robot robot robot versus boy
They separate our friends
The battle never ends
Robot robot robot must destroy
It started with a kiss
Now it all comes down to this
It stood seven feet tall and made of chrom
I was shocked surprised and all alone
I used my best excuse it didn’t give a damn
'Cos we were caught in 3D on security cam
It said I know you’re fragile but you crossed the line
You should’ve stayed with yours and kept away from mine
I said I’ll meet you down at the football field
It said I’ll see you there and my fate was sealed
CHORUS
Time and time again I could have listened to my friends
Who told me no
But blood is always moving and despite the disapproving
Here I go
We faced each other underneath the moon
I would’ve walked away but now there wasn’t room
There was a crowd of people and automatons
To see the flesh and metal get it on
Then I swallowed hard said I don’t wanna fight
But you bully my kind and it ends tonight
I said I may be fragile but I got no doubt
I’m gonna power you down and take you out
CHORUS FADE
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14. |
Sign Off
00:13
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The PDX Broadsides Portland, Oregon
The PDX Broadsides (Portland, OR)
pdxbroadsides.com
are a trio of nerd enthusiasts who sing about science,
piracy, superheroes, robots, and other geeky topics with great vigor and harmony. Formed in September 2011 on accident in a crucible of exhaustion, excessive coffee and too much wine, they deliver original nerdy tunes and geek parodies.
... more
The PDX Broadsides recommends:
Chainmail and Cello
by The Doubleclicks
We <3 the DCs for their sister-folk sound and funny lyrics, and we sing backup on two songs on this album.
go to album
The Nerd Punk Guide to the Galaxy
by Thundering Asteroids!
Our friends and fellow nerdrockers here in PDX will melt your face off with "Hit It and Crit."
go to albumIf you like The PDX Broadsides, you may also like:
The Book was Better
by The Doubleclicks
supported by 37 fans who also own “Trust Issues”
Funny and nerdy, but also poignant at times.
go to album
Speakeasy - Live 2016
by John Robins
Robins decided to release the recording of his 2016 comedy tour during the Covid-19 shutdown at the behest of fans.
go to album
Taylor Ham, Egg, And Cheese
by Chris Gethard
Comedian Chris Gethard’s hilarious new surprise album is devoted to the great state of New Jersey, and the great state of New Jersey alone.
go to album
